Monday, October 02, 2006

Tirar/Empujar

Some days i love being the different one. Like, yesterday, i got turned around in the city and had to stop for a second to get situated and within seconds a cute little old lady stoped and asked me if i needed help. At the internet cafe, the worker guy knows i am a foreigner and he always speaks slowly so i can understand him and lets me use the padded chair. In the street, i cant go 3 blocks without someone staring at me and smiling, since i am about two heads taller than everyone else and the only blonde in a sea of brown/black. I love that none of the food has preservatives. I love that going topless is an option. I love making new stories everyday and seeing something totally wierdand new everyday. I love being asked where i am from, i love when they giggle and pat my hand if i say the wrong word and i love that every spaniard i meet has a friend, relative neighbor or cousin´s boss who is living in america, and they say they hear the weather is nice. hihi
BUT then there are days like today when i hate being different. Its an ipod day. Just put in my headphones and no one will talk to me and i can go about my buisness to the tunes of Etta James or Franks Sinatra. But its not that easy. First, I got cut in front of on the bus by two stupid girls; they both looked at me and chuckled then said something under their breath i couldnt really understand, but i understood "extranjero." (foreigner) Yes, chica, i´m a foreigner, but does that mean you can cut in front of me?! (I dont know how to say that really in spanish so i just let it go.) Then in the cafe on campus for breakfast the cashier short changed me and i started to say something but she called for the next in line and told me to move out of the way. I was too flustered to say anything. I just want to say what i want without sounding dumb. To not get the "what planet are you from look". I hate having to ask people to repeat things. I hate asking for what i need. I hate that the lady always has to help me in the library. I hate that i have to take a more fluent friend with me to the bank. Its just a day that i dont want to stick out and be obviously different. Its a day when i really want to go home.
But i am learning. I can empathize with the way blacks/asians/ hispanics must feel in a white America. I had always wondered why black people in a restaurant would smile at each other or give the head nod thing even when they dont know each other. Or why would cultures all live in a specific area, like the black neighborhood or the mexican part of town. But, its cause they feel the same things, there is comfort in it. If i see a white person in the street here, we both smile. Not on purpose, but just because, its someone like me.
At the same time, I know it is gonna suck so bad to go home to "white bread america." Everything is english, everything is familiar, Mcdonalds, oversized-wasteful-unneccesary everything, its all Made in the USA...OH and i have to go back to being a "youth".
Dont freak out on me, i like america. I like being an american, but i just know there are so many things about Spain/Europe i am going to miss. So many things about the lifestyle i have developed and adapted to that will all come to an abrupt halt.

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