A person's a person no matter how small...

I try to remind myself that, "People are just people and every person is a person."
I am learning very quickly that you cannot expect much from people. We are all just human, after all. We lie, we cheat, we are selfish and fake, we want our way. I always knew it to be true, but until recently I had never been so surrounded by this fact - staring it in the face, living in the same house with it, feeling it pressing in on me.
But I suppose this is a lesson I had to learn eventually. And what is worse, is that it is something I must deal with in my own actions. Doing what is right and not what is easy. And is it okay to tell a lie if it will protect someone else or keep them from getting hurt? When you say nothing, is it the same as lying? Lovers cheating, friends quitting on friendship, apathy, loneliness, pain. Oh how my heart hurts for us all. We finally make it out of the wilderness, but then we get selfish. We finally see what is right and good but we are too impatient and lazy to work for that blessing. Oh, we people, we need a redeemer.
But "every person is a person." I know it is dangerous and I know it is naive but isn't it what we would want for ourselves? To be trusted from the beginning until proven to be untrustworthy? To be loved until proven to be unlovable? We are human. We each have had a mother who loved us. We all have felt a tear on our cheek. Wanted water to drink in the heat.
Who are we to say "no" to that homeless man who wants some spare change? Who are we to say she is a bitch because of her mistakes? Who are we to be free when there is war far away?
"While we were yet sinners Christ died for us," right? So why don't we live this way. As you have been forgiven, go and forgive. Freely you have received, freely give.
I can't imagine this world without love. The Beatles sang it, Shakespeare wrote it, Mother Theresa gave it.
When will we begin to live our lives the way we should and not the way we want?

First Thoughts

I never knew there were so many different shades of Khaki until I came to Utah.

For you cause my lamp to be lit and to shine; the Lord my God illuminates my darkness. Ps 18:23

God works through our weakness so that the greatness and power in our lives will be shown to be from him and not from ourselves.God uses ordinary people with flaws and "cracks in our clay pots" (we are earthen vessels) so that people will know that it is God working in us if we are doing good. If people knew us before, they know there's a difference after we have felt the love of Jesus. We are new creatures when we allow his light to shine through our weakness.

Let not those who wait and hope for you, O Lord, be put to shame because of me; let not those who seek and inquire for You be brought to confusion or dishonor through me, O God of Israel. Ps 69:6

Everyone is like a pot that carries life. But not everyone carries a life that blesses others. Religion tries to force people to follow laws and to make them be perfect, like a pot without cracks. But if a light is placed inside a flawless pot, no one is able to see the light inside it. Perfect pots are not able to reveal internal light. God chooses to shine his light through imperfect, cracked pots. People are blessed when our pots let the light of Jesus shine through. Isn't it better to be a glory-filled cracked pot rather than an empty, pretty vessel?

Two Dreams

I can wake up and go for a walk barefoot in the sand. I won’t need an air conditioner or a heater for my house and the windows will be open all the time and no carpet in the house. I can wear a sarong and a bikini everyday, or sun dress and flip flops for when I have to look nice. My hammock on the porch will always be occupied by family, friends, or neighbors, and the beads on the doorway will always be klinking. Sunscreen will be my only moisturizer mixed with the humidity, and my hair can be its natural color. I can hear the wind chimes and smell the salt. I will only ever complain that it’s too hot and never that it’s too cold, never. We will walk through the city for groceries and visiting friends, and at night go to the club, Rustico, for music and dancing and chill. We’ll ride our bikes and build sand castles and feed the poor and sing too loud when we’re cooking. Make Sun Tea like my mom taught me, and plant tomatoes and squash and potatoes in the yard. Always there will be music, always talking and always people coming and going. …yoga and swimming and dancing… My mom used to buy Little Caesar’s Pizza and after mine and my brother’s swimming lessons we would meet my dad on the beach for a picnic. I’ll do that again, too; for my babies. And I’ll keep meat tenderizer close for jellyfish stings. My babies can be baptized in the ocean and on Easter we’ll have a sunrise service and after that we’ll all have a big barbque with beach volleyball and everyone together laughing and happy and sweaty.

The other night I had dream of two big picnic tables on a beach. One table had my whole family, my parents my brother, Charla, my friend Rachel and some other family friends. The other table had Marco’s parents, his sister Valentina, their neighbors Adrian and Reggie, some of Marco’s aunts and uncles, and Marco’s friends Sascha and Nathi. On both sides of the table were two BBQ pits. On one my dad was cooking and on the other was Marco’s dad. Walking all around the table and preparing the places were me and Marco, Vicente, Natalia, Alfonso Catalina, and Val. When it was time to eat, me and Marco pushed the two tables together and we put the food from both of the BBQ’s on one big plate for everyone to have. Then we all sat together.


I think these dreams are partly because of the candle that Charla bought me…..it smells EXACTLY like the beach!!!! Its amazing! So at night I drift over the waves…and I miss the beach.

my favorite song from Children of Eden

In whatever time we have
For as long as we are living
We can face whatever comes
If we face it now as one
I could make it on my own
But let me know that I don't have to
No one really wants to be alone
In whatever we time have

If at times we are afraid
With so little to believe in
It's alright to be afraid
I will hold you in the dark
All we know for sure is this
Though the world could end tommorow
You and I will be together
In whatever time

There are times I've been afraid
In a world that's so uncertain
Then I feel your hand in mine
And there's courage in my heart

White House Interns/Bill Clinton at OBU

The Christianity of today has changed drastically from that what Matthew wrote of Jesus' sermon on the mount. We are to love others, forgive others, serve others. Are we following Jesus' example or just politicians?
I get really upset when I hear christians using the analogy that we are "at war." It isnt true, it isnt. We are not in a battle of us versus them. We are all people. If we focus so much on the differences, it causes separation between people. Ive seen it all around me.
Jesus lived a life befriending the friendless; prostitutes, lepers, etc. He spread a message of peace and love and if we would follow him there would be life, solutions.( Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and selfcontrol. )
Here is another thing. Where is the line between living by the word/scripture and living by the spirit? To either EXTREEM it gets pretty crazy. There are crazy pentecostle folks who are all about the spirit and emotion and then crazy baptists who think if you are claping your hands, then your getting too rowdy. I know people on both extreemes, and I've been in churches in both extreems. Here is an exaample: I once was in a church and during a song a woman came over to me and asked me if I wanted to be prayed over. Sure, i said. She got some other people around me and they all laid their hands on me and pushed me to the ground and they all began to chant. They kept telling me to open my mouth and say the words i felt, but i didnt feel anything. The the woman asked me, "Do you REALLY believe in Jesus? Do you? Because if you really believed in God, you would be able to speak in tongues. " I told her i did. And she said, then I must have demons on me preventing the spirit from giving me power. THIS is CRAZY! I DO believe in the gift of tongues, but I dont think it works this way. I DO believe in the Holy Spirit, but i dont believe it ever leaves you. I dont think it comes and goes and I dont think it is a force we should play with like in politics. It has become a tool of manipulation.
Other example: I went to a church where the average people were about 65 years old. Everyone stood up and read some words and sit back down, Then stand up again and read some words. Then they all prayed out loud the same prayer. Nobody talks, nobody smiles. Just a tradition. If someone was too loud, other people look at them with this pissy face. When its over you just go home, alone.
Another example: I once had a science teacher who didn't own a TV. She had tons of kids, like 12, and she MADE all of their clothes herself cause the clothes in the stores are "not godly". She homeschooled all her kids, She never cut her hair or wore makeup or any of her daughters and they all sang together in the car and always seemed WAY too happy.
Last one: I know people who believe or say they believe because they "just want to make sure." They don't care about anything real, they have no passion or desire to know truth or to question life and human existance, its a superficial faith "just in case."


I am not like any of these, but I do believe in God. I have faith and hope for a future and I believe the Bible. I dont think there is anything extra, like the book of mormon or the Koran, and i dont think anything was left out, like scrolls or the book of Thomas.
I have alot of reasons for believing in God and for believing it is true.
I also believe in freedom. I have a freedom to love, and I also have freedom to hurt someone. Potential to give a little and the freedom to take a little. Love a great deal or hurt a great deal and so on. This is the concept of "Free Will." Something I think all humans have. We have the ability to slay millions of people in war, BUT we have the potential to liberate and protect millions. Thats why there is good and bad in the world, free will.
If this short life is all there is, if death was the end of existance, then perhaps we might risk the legitimate argue that we were not worth ever being created, at least not the ones who live their whole lives in poverty and pain. "Why would God have created them just to live a life of pain?" But if what i believe is true, then there is love in the end. These lives are here but there is life after. If there is no heaven then all the crys of pain will eternally go unanswered. Life would just be tragic for all of us. Life is a bitch and then you die.
But there is something in the depth of my soul which refuses to believe that. There is something in me, a hope for a future.

I'm not a radical for either side of "Christianity." I just believe in life and in love. I pray and so many times my prayers are answered. I've been blessed in every part of my life and God has shown me so much of life and what life can be. Life is truly beautiful.

"For I know the plans i have for you' says the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Inter-gender communication class today:

-In male/female communication, men think independently and women think collectively.
-A man should be the king of the castle, but always TELL the queen how important she is, otherwise she's gonna go find another kingdom.
-Each partner must have their own sense of self-worth or else they are in danger of only find ing worth from the other's opinion.
-Women are motivated and pleased when they feel cherished and treasured, men feel motivated and pleased when they are needed and important.
-Communication allows you to serve others.
- When a girl has a problem, she wants understanding from the boy, but the boy's instinct is to give a solution. Solutions are emotion-less, though they may fix the problem perfectly and promptly, BUT more than FIXing the girl wants understanding a.k.a. sympathy.
-Women see life as a community, they strive to preserve intimacy and avoid isolation. Men value independence and status. However, all humans need both intimacy and independence, we just tend to focus on different things.


I love my classes this semester!

"USA...the first re-mix" or "USA mixin' it up since 1776."

E Pluribus unum, the Latin phrase that appears on each U.S. coin, it means, "out of many, one." This motto symbolizes not only our national political union, but mostly the idea that the varied experiances of immigrants from around the world come together in America to form a new way of life while retaining individual characteristics.

Sometimes I think I don't do enough of things- like telling my parents thank you or that i remember every bike ride and every color we've painted my room.
Then other times I feel like I do too much, like always changing my mind, changing my major or school and even my name once.
Also, I used to be sad cause I realized, i can never go back. You can never have those times back and the future is so unknown. But now I see, this is where I am and I'm happy. I still fight with Joey (except now its about nutrition and TiVo instead of Legos or the piano.) I still change my mind everyday and i have a new day everyday.
To steal the words of C.S. Lewis, I still believe in Fairy Tales. I have no reason to wish childhood back...I have kept its pleasures and added some grown up ones.
A few days ago I was worried about losing the people I love. If I leave here , I lose a little; if I stay here I lose a little more. But I know now, that a friend is for life, at least the real ones, the ones who are in your heart. They are like family, always there. I suppose I listen to too many people instead of my own head, and try to do what they say, but this is what I say....I worried about telling Marco 'i love you' too much, but its what I feel and i feel that even if I tell him too much...its still not enough. The same with my family. There is too much death and sadness in the world and there are only 24 hours in a day. You can never tell someone 'you love them' too much and you can never know whats coming. "is this a good decision or a bad decision, am i doing the right thing, is this the best" etc. I think we never know, you just have to keep going cuase no matter you have love.

things i like

Being nice to your enemies will keep them confused.

Let me never be so poor that I have to steal and never so rich that i don't depend on God.

You don't have to know when, you don't have to know why, you just have to have faith.

When the ones I love laugh, i will laugh. When they cry, i will cry.

Where there is love, distance doesn't matter.

Love is patient, its kind, it does not envy or boast. It keeps no record of mistakes. Just love.

The best is yet to come.

If we had all the answers, well, I dont know what would happen, but that would just be really boring.

Ha HA Ha.......bless your soul.

Understanding

The better we understand others, the more effective citizens we become. Having a objective perspective helps us appreciate the world we live in and the people around us.
Its important to gain a global understanding--usually we tend to view our own way of life as "right" or "better" but its important to think critically about the strengths and weaknesses of all ways of life, especially our own. We can understand ourselves only to the extent that we understand others.
Verstehen is the german word for understanding. A german philosopher said that "understanding" is not just to observe what people do, but also to share in their world of meaning, coming to apreciate why they act as they do.
I once had a Missions professor who said that to understand somone else while you are in their country you must be vulnerable. If you go to another country and take on the roll of listener, and learner, rather than ambassador or proud patriot, you are far more likely to be accepted into this society.
This is also everyday life. If you listen to others view and ideas, whether you agree or not, you are posing no threat.

This is just the begining of a paper i am writing.... also i am just really pissed off at close minded people living in an ethnocentic world. (click the word ethnocentric) I told my communications teacher today that my parents always made sure that I accepted people who are different from me. Simple curiosity. God made all people different, each culture unique. A belief in God insists on celebrating the beauty of culture.
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empty

Today, everything is empty. Theres no moon in the sky, its empty. The streets of Arkadelphia are empty. Campus is empty. My house is empty. Even my arms are empty.