engagement

I knew very soon that I loved Marco and that I wanted to marry him. Mostly I just had a feeling of, "Uh-Oh, my life is never going to be the same again." We had discussed marriage many times, we imagined what our kids would look like, where we might live, and we both knew where the other stood - we wanted to always be together.
I looked forward to all the traditional events of an engagement, wedding, and marriage like any girl does; with tremendous excitement and giddiness. But the clash between fantasy and reality became more and more evident as our relationship neared the 3 year mark, and I couldn't help but feel guilty and even dumb for having expected life to be like in the movies.
What I got wasn’t picturesque, but I couldn’t have asked for anything more real. Marco is genuine and down-to-earth, as is our relationship. So it should have come as no surprise when he proposed to me in my living room, surrounded by laundry and while I was wearing yoga clothes.
Yet in that moment, the moment you dream of, the moment where you’re supposed to gaze into each other's eyes and kiss and whisper sweet nothings at sunset, I remember feeling alone and confused. Alone, I suppose, because for the first time in my life I was making a decision that I couldn't ask anyone else to help me make. Not only that, but it was a huge, huge decision, a "til death do us part" kind of decision. So, before I could answer him, I broke down crying. Not a cute, romantic cry, oh no. It was a gooey, snotty, gasping cry. My mind was whizzing a million miles per hour while everything was moving in slow motion. And there he was, smiling nervously up at me and waiting.
Of course I was thrilled, and of course I wanted to marry him, but this was it? It was happening now? Already? In my living room?
As I sniffed and wiped away tears, I realized I was crying and snot-ing all over the one person who would be there for me to cry and snot all over for the rest of my life. I felt wanted, I felt needed, and most of all, the ring was perfect.
We sat cuddled together on the floor as I recovered from my nausea and near-panic attack. And then we prayed together. I felt a calm and peace cover me and I knew I was making the right decision. We were bringing God into our marriage right from the start, and I believed that only me, Marco, and God, together could make this work. (Even though I was a total mess).